Do You Ever Feel Like This?

I can't really begin to describe it, but I'd figure that I'd try.  Because, after all, blogs are about connecting.  You get to know me, and you even relate to me at times.  And that's the purpose.

The fact of the matter is that it has been building for some time.  I have just been feeling overwhelmed.  By life, I mean.  I'm not depressed, I'm actually quite happy, but it just seems like I can't seem to get caught up with things.  I feel spread thin, and even when I trim down my daily and weekly schedule, I still can't seem to get caught up.

I write full time.  I am what used to be called a "housewife", but became called a "stay-at-home-mom".  Except for the part where I don't have any kids, so I prefer to call myself a housewife.  That's right, I'm setting Women's Lib back a few decades, but I frankly don't see what is so derogatory about the term.

So, I'm a housewife.  It means that I set my own schedule.  I write when the muse moves me.  I clean and cook when I get around to it.  I run my errands.  I hang out with my friends and family.  I volunteer.  I help out my friends who work and have kids (sometimes they could use to have a few errands run for them).  I crochet.  I work out on the farm when the weather allows.

But, recently, I have started really feeling overwhelmed.  I know some things to which I can attribute this, but I can't seem to relieve the feeling.

First, I have four dogs.  They are usually exceptionally healthy.  Except for their annual check-ups and vaccines, they rarely ever need veterinary care.  But two of the last four weeks have involved illness or injury appointments for my dogs.  A few weeks ago, Ginger (the one with the massive deluxe pet beds) fell down the steps.  All fourteen steps.  She hurt her right hind leg.  A vet appointment was warranted.

It turned out to only be a sprain (thank goodness).  But, it involved me carrying my fifty-pound dog up and down the steps for a week to prevent her from damaging it further.  Now, I routinely carry fifty pounds out on the farm.  Sacks and bags of feed, seed, and various and sundry.

Carrying a dog is a bit different.  They aren't exactly DESIGNED to be carried.  They won't help you out by hanging on, as would a child.  They are just sort of THERE.  Fifty pounds of unequally distributed weight.  Oh, and whoever invented the term "dead weight" should have tried that weight in a dog.  Quite frankly, it's easier to carry fifty pounds of dead weight than fifty pounds of wriggling weight.

Now, Ginger is feeling quite a bit better.  She doesn't even have a limp any more.  But another of our dogs, Sweetie, has developed a bizarre cough.  Now, I've been owned by dogs my entire life.  I usually have more than one at a time.  I'd say that in my life, I have been owned (as well as run, controlled, and manipulated) by about thirty pups.  Most are rescues.  All are very dear to me.

After upwards of thirty dogs in my life, I am hearing THIS cough.  I've NEVER heard anything like it before.  It's a deep, barking cough.  And, no, that's no pun.  It's the only way that I can describe it.  Because, as I said, I've never heard anything like it before.  She goes to the vet tonight.

I worry about my dogs like most would worry about their children.  This may be because I can't have children of my own.  Whatever the reason, it doesn't change the fact that I am actually losing sleep over this cough.

And, of course, late last year, my annual physical showed some things that are out of whack.  So, we've been working diligently with specialists to try to find out what is causing the problem.  I worry less about that, however.  You see, we have ruled out most of the really bad stuff.  I still have another biopsy to go through (next month if you are wondering) but most of the biopsies and other tests have come back healthy and clear. So, one last biopsy before cancer is completely ruled out.

There are some other tests as well, to rule out an auto-immune disorder.  And My next one of those is in April as well.  So, we're heading in the right direction.  Every test gets me closer to a clean bill of health.

The fact of the matter is that my infertility (technically, it's sub-fertility - I can get pregnant, I just have miscarriages) is the most likely culprit for my feeling of being overwhelmed.  It's not that it's a new thing.  I have been dealing with it for over a decade now.  It's that we have been planning for years to adopt, and we are just starting the process.

So, with everything else that I do (you'd be amazed how quickly your time fills up when you are home full time), I am trying to begin the "adventure" that is adoption.  And everything else just becomes something that comes between me and that goal.

I never realized how much there was to adopting until I started to really look into it.  I realize that it will be worth it in the end, but goodness me, it's quite daunting.


Do you have an adoption question or story that you would like to share?  Please email the author at unkemptruminations@comcast.net

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Christy Parker is the author of two blogs:  Ruminations from and Unkempt Mind and  Learn to Crochet - In Minutes a Day.

Mrs. Parker is also the author of an eBook of patterns entitled Seven Special Scarves, as well as the eBook Learn to Crochet in Minutes a Day:  The First Twelve Lessons

For comments, questions, notes, or suggestions; Mrs. Parker can be reached in the blog specific forums on the product information pages listed above or via email at unkemptruminations@comcast.net.